In July of 2007, ESPN ran a series of TV segments called "Who's Now" in order to determine "the ultimate sports star" of the year, based on success on and off the field. Who came up with such a subjective and universally deprecated idea remains unknown, but it did inspire an even better franchise: "Who's Douche," a bracket of 32 well-known entities that the general public votes on to determine who was the year's biggest douchebag in the world of sports, based on douchiness on and off the field.
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2008
ROGER CLEMENS
Douche of the Year
Scott Boras
Runner-Up
The Creator
of Who's Douche
Honorary Douche
2007
DANE COOK
Douche of the Year
Kobe Bryant
Runner-Up
Bobby Petrino
Honorary Douche
"It's a shame that Tiger and Donte Stallworth can't be winner and runner up." 
"A-Rod. Last year, the year before, next year, and forever."
"I know Manning was already voted out but can we bring him back? Or Eli at least?"
"The only mistake Tiger Woods ever made was getting married... Fact."
"Tony Romo should get a high-five for dumping Jessica Simpson the day before her birthday. Such class!"
"Cutler out-douches A-Rod any day of the week. Do I detect some fervent Yankee-hating among this voter pool?"
"In a just world, I could vote for Donte and Tony. Also, if Dan Snyder doesn't win, I'll cry."
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AND THE WINNER IS...
After six weeks, hundreds of votes, and thirty-one eliminated candidates, it's finally time to crown the ultimate sports douchebag of 2009. Without further ado, the winner of Who's Douche Sports Edition 2009, with the biggest championship victory in the history of Who's Douche with 76.9% of the vote, is...
DONTE STALLWORTH
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... for killing a pedestrian who was waiting for a bus while drunk-driving in Miami; for blaming the pedestrian he'd just killed for not getting out of the way when he flashed his lights; and for only getting 30 days in jail because he paid off the victim's family, when the typical sentence for DUI manslaughter is several years at the least.
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And of course, we must give condolences to our runner up, Alex Rodriguez -- but considering he makes it to the Final Four every single year, this surely won't be his last shot at the crown.
As for the Manvagini Award for Honorary Douchedom, our nominees ranged from Jayson Stark to Tom Brady to Barack Obama and Michelle Bachmann (don't ask). But in a surprise last minute rally of support, one douche swooped out of nowhere to claim this year's Manvagini Award for Honore Douchedom...
DAN SNYDER
And that concludes this year's edition of Who's Douche. Relive your favorite memories with the list of previously eliminated candidates below, and don't forget to join us next year when we'll be back to crown the Douche of the Year for 2010. Feel free to email whosdouche@gmail.com with mid-season nominees, and until next time... who's douche?
 PREVIOUSLY ELIMINATED CANDIDATES
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Milton Bradley, for getting himself mocked by The Onion when he lost track of the most basic baseball fundamentals; for accusing Chicago (and the rest of America) of systemic racism without being able to offer any concrete examples; and for getting himself suspended for the rest of 2009 (and subsequently traded to the Mariners) after blaming Cubs fans for their 100-year losing streak.
ELIMINATED BY: LARRY JOHNSON (59.4%)
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David Ortiz, for spending his whole career being a self-righteous prick about steroids, only to have it be revealed that he tested positive for steroids in 2003; and for holding a presser saying he needed time to "get more information", and then showing up a week later with some douchey lawyer to claim that he never took steroids and he must have tested positive from over-the-counter supplements.
ELIMINATED BY: MANNY RAMIREZ (78.5%)
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Manny Ramirez, for fucking over the Dodgers by holding out with the help of former Who's Douche runner-up Scott Boras; for being suspended for 50 days after testing positive for a banned substance, only to come back with lame excuses about how his personal physician had prescribed him pregnancy medication; and for telling everyone to get over it because he "didn't rape nobody."
ELIMINATED BY: TIGER WOODS (58.3%)
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Terrell Owens, for starting his own fake reality show on VH1, in which he acted like a general douchebag; for performing so badly in ABC's "The Superstars" that he got cruded out by a supermodel; and for whining about the media for trying to goad him into controversy after spending his entire career acting as controversial as possible.
ELIMINATED BY: TIGER WOODS (56.3%)
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Tiger Woods, for spending his entire career carefully honing his image as a holier-than-thou family man, even extolling the virtues of family life in a mid-November interview, only to have the truth come out that he'd cheated on his wife with almost a dozen women, including a few porn stars and a former contestant on VH1's Tool Academy; and for reportedly never tipping despite being the highest-paid athlete in the world.
ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (70.8%)
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Shawne Merriman, for starting the NFL season by being arrested for choking Tila Tequila (although no formal charges were filed); for Tequila's lawsuit against him, in which she claimed her beat her when she confronted him about sleeping with a minor; and for counter-suing her in December for stealing his "Lights Out" trademark.
ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (67.2%)
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Ricky Rubio, for leaving the Spanish ACB league to enter the NBA draft, despite the fact that his contract buyout was too high for NBA rules; for pretending he'd be happy no matter where he played, only to back out when he got drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves; and for trying to justify his unwillingess to play for Minnesota by claiming that it's "too cold for his mother."
ELIMINATED BY: TONY ROMO (53.8%)
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Roger Federer, for crying at the podium after losing to Rafael Nadal at the Australian Open; and for pulling out a custom-made tracksuit with the number "15" already embroidered on it immediately after winning his 15th grand-slam title.
ELIMINATED BY: SERENA WILLIAMS (75.4%)
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Jerry Jones, for knowingly building a shoddy practice facility that paralyzed a Cowboys employee when it finally collapsed; and for refusing to move his new jumbotron when it was interfering with kicks during NFL games, even though it was designed to be raised and lowered for U2 concerts.
ELIMINATED BY: DAN SNYDER (55.4%)
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Roger Goodell, for stating in April that he wasn't considering London as a potential site for the Superbowl, only to turn around in October and say London could not only get a Superbowl, but maybe even its own team; and for telling Miami their stadium wasn't good enough for the Superbowl after they'd just dumped $250 million into renovating it during a recession.
ELIMINATED BY: BUD SELIG (75.8%)
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Bill Simmons, for dropping his trademark homer-ism in favor of revealing that he can no longer hate perennial douchebags Peyton Manning, Alex Rodriguez, and Kobe Bryant; and for thinking he could drive like a maniac in Seattle just because he'd defended the Sonics.
ELIMINATED BY: JOE BUCK (51.6%)
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Joe Buck, for expanding his douchiness beyond sports broadcasting with his own show on HBO, in which he consistently failed to be funny but failed to be cancelled; and for saying in an interview that he was playing golf because it was the only thing he had left now that he couldn't compete in powerlifting or ice skating.
ELIMINATED BY: BUD SELIG (52.2%)
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Bud Selig, for whining about being blamed for turning a blind eye to baseball steroids era, even though that's obviously what he did; for continuing to fuck over Major League Baseball's best pitchers by holding the World Baseball Classic during spring training; and for ruining a tradition of voluntary celebration by mandating that all players wear No. 42 on Jackie Robinson Day.
ELIMINATED BY: DAN SNYDER (62.5%)
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Dan Snyder, for trying to make a scapegoat out of Redskins coach Jim Zorn by taking away his play-calling abilities and giving them to a former Bingo player; and for shitting on the First Ammendment by banning all signs from Fedex Field when Redskins fans wouldn't stop voicing their displeasure with their team's mismanagement.
ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (54.5%)
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Josh McDaniels, for initiating a quarterback controversy by trying to trade for Matt Cassell behind Jay Cutler's back and subsequently getting into a feud with Brandon Marshall; for trash-talking at the Chargers that "we own you" before getting demolished 32-3; and for dropping the f-bomb on NFL Network while screaming at his own offensive line.
ELIMINATED BY: JAY CUTLER (68.8%)
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Thierry Henry, for cheating in the World Cup qualifiers by hitting the ball with his hand to score the winning goal and knock out Ireland, and then offering fake solace to the same Irish players he'd just cheated to defeat; and for later offering lame excuses about how he's "not the ref" and otherwise refusing to apologize.
ELIMINATED BY: MARTIN HANSSON (59.7%)
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Joe Torre, for writing a tell-all book called The Yankee Years, in which he talked shit about his former manager and many of his former players, including writing that Alex Rodriguez was called "A-Fraud" behind his back and had an (obvious) obsession with Derek Jeter.
ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (90.9%)
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LeBron James, for walking off the court after the Caveliers were knocked out of the playoffs without shaking hands; for having Nike confiscate all of the video footage of a college student dunking on him over the summer; for equating Michael Jordan's basketball skills with Jackie Robinson's history-changing integration of baseball by trying to retire Jordan's number; and for showboating during a blowout over the Chicago Bulls.
ELIMINATED BY: MICHAEL JORDAN (58.1%)
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Martin Hansson, for failing to award a goal to Brazil when Kaka's headball crossed the goal line in the Confederations Cup; and for not only failing to give a penalty to Thierry Henry when France scored their winning goal off Henry's hand, but later trying to argue that failing to call a penalty "was not my fault."
ELIMINATED BY: JAY CUTLER (62.5%)
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Michael Jordan, for giving the douchiest Hall of Fame speech of all time, in which he talked shit about every single person who'd failed to believe in him sufficiently throughout his career; and for telling rapper Chamillionaire that he wouldn't "take no pictures with no niggas," and that he'd have to pay $15,000 for a photo op.
ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (60.9%)
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Jay Cutler, for crying like a baby when his coach Josh McDaniels looked into trading for a new quarterback, eventually requesting to be traded to a new team; for ruining his reputation as a franchise quarterback by leading the league in interceptions; and for flicking off Chicago fans when they booed the Bears for sending a game to overtime.
ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (67.8%)
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