Brett Favre, for spending half of 2009 flip-flopping on whether he wanted to play again after retiring in February, announcing that he officially wouldn't come back in July, and then signing with the Vikings just seven days later (and showing up to the press conference in a shit-stained hat because he couldn't bother to find a Vikings cap); and for turning into a prima donna when Brad Childress tried to pull him from a game. ELIMINATED BY: TERRELL OWENS (61.5%)

Milton Bradley, for getting himself mocked by The Onion when he lost track of the most basic baseball fundamentals; for accusing Chicago (and the rest of America) of systemic racism without being able to offer any concrete examples; and for getting himself suspended for the rest of 2009 (and subsequently traded to the Mariners) after blaming Cubs fans for their 100-year losing streak. ELIMINATED BY: LARRY JOHNSON (59.4%)

David Ortiz, for spending his whole career being a self-righteous prick about steroids, only to have it be revealed that he tested positive for steroids in 2003; and for holding a presser saying he needed time to "get more information", and then showing up a week later with some douchey lawyer to claim that he never took steroids and he must have tested positive from over-the-counter supplements. ELIMINATED BY: MANNY RAMIREZ (78.5%)

Peyton Manning, for almost killing Jay Cutler at the Pro Bowl by throwing him in the pool without taking the blood-sugar monitor for his diabetes out of his pocket; for singing douchey renditions of "You Never Even Call Me By My Name" with Kenny Chesney; and for a year's worth of new commercials alongside yet another singing douche, Justin Timberlake. ELIMINATED BY: TIGER WOODS (89.4%)

Larry Johnson, for using Twitter to call out his coach over never playing football; for tossing around gay slurs at reporters and Twitter followers; and for acting so generally douchey that over 30,000 Chiefs fans signed a petition to get him removed from the team before he could break Priest Holmes' rushing record. ELIMINATED BY: TERRELL OWENS (54.2%)

Manny Ramirez, for fucking over the Dodgers by holding out with the help of former Who's Douche runner-up Scott Boras; for being suspended for 50 days after testing positive for a banned substance, only to come back with lame excuses about how his personal physician had prescribed him pregnancy medication; and for telling everyone to get over it because he "didn't rape nobody." ELIMINATED BY: TIGER WOODS (58.3%)

Terrell Owens, for starting his own fake reality show on VH1, in which he acted like a general douchebag; for performing so badly in ABC's "The Superstars" that he got cruded out by a supermodel; and for whining about the media for trying to goad him into controversy after spending his entire career acting as controversial as possible. ELIMINATED BY: TIGER WOODS (56.3%)

Tiger Woods, for spending his entire career carefully honing his image as a holier-than-thou family man, even extolling the virtues of family life in a mid-November interview, only to have the truth come out that he'd cheated on his wife with almost a dozen women, including a few porn stars and a former contestant on VH1's Tool Academy; and for reportedly never tipping despite being the highest-paid athlete in the world. ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (70.8%)

SCOTT ALLEN DIVISION

Shawne Merriman, for starting the NFL season by being arrested for choking Tila Tequila (although no formal charges were filed); for Tequila's lawsuit against him, in which she claimed her beat her when she confronted him about sleeping with a minor; and for counter-suing her in December for stealing his "Lights Out" trademark. ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (67.2%)

Daisuke Matsuzaka, for fucking over the Red Sox by pushing himself too hard for Japan's title in the World Baseball Classic; and for bitching about his training regimen when the Sox tried to get his arm back into shape. ELIMINATED BY: JONATHAN PAPELBON (57.8%)

Ricky Rubio, for leaving the Spanish ACB league to enter the NBA draft, despite the fact that his contract buyout was too high for NBA rules; for pretending he'd be happy no matter where he played, only to back out when he got drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves; and for trying to justify his unwillingess to play for Minnesota by claiming that it's "too cold for his mother." ELIMINATED BY: TONY ROMO (53.8%)

Roger Federer, for crying at the podium after losing to Rafael Nadal at the Australian Open; and for pulling out a custom-made tracksuit with the number "15" already embroidered on it immediately after winning his 15th grand-slam title. ELIMINATED BY: SERENA WILLIAMS (75.4%)

Jonathan Papelbon, for whining about walking through the stands for fan appreciation on Opening Day; for arguing that he should close the All-Star game instead of Mariano Rivera; and for talking shit about Billy Wagner after the Red Sox had already picked him off waivers. ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (78.3%)

Serena Williams, for flipping out and physically threatening a lineswoman at the U.S. Open; and for being subsequently fined $82,500, a new record she now holds for women's tennis. ELIMINATED BY: TONY ROMO (52.0%)

Tony Romo, for not only dumping Jessica Simpson, but doing it the night before her birthday; for taking a midseason trip to Vegas after screwing over his team with a similar trip a few years ago; and for getting called out by the media for dressing like a douchebag at public events. ELIMINATED BY: DONTE STALLWORTH (70.6%)

HOWARD COSSELL DIVISION

Rex Ryan, for manufacturing a quarterback controversy between Mark Sanchez and Kellen Clemens when he knew how it would end the entire time; for trash-talking random players, and then whining about being disrespected; for crying in front of his team after losing to the Jaguars; and for announcing that the Jets were out of the playoffs when they obviously were not. ELIMINATED BY: MICAH GRIMES (64.4%)

Jerry Jones, for knowingly building a shoddy practice facility that paralyzed a Cowboys employee when it finally collapsed; and for refusing to move his new jumbotron when it was interfering with kicks during NFL games, even though it was designed to be raised and lowered for U2 concerts. ELIMINATED BY: DAN SNYDER (55.4%)

Roger Goodell, for stating in April that he wasn't considering London as a potential site for the Superbowl, only to turn around in October and say London could not only get a Superbowl, but maybe even its own team; and for telling Miami their stadium wasn't good enough for the Superbowl after they'd just dumped $250 million into renovating it during a recession. ELIMINATED BY: BUD SELIG (75.8%)

Bill Simmons, for dropping his trademark homer-ism in favor of revealing that he can no longer hate perennial douchebags Peyton Manning, Alex Rodriguez, and Kobe Bryant; and for thinking he could drive like a maniac in Seattle just because he'd defended the Sonics. ELIMINATED BY: JOE BUCK (51.6%)

Micah Grimes, for coaching the Covenant School's high school basketball team to a 100-0 victory over a team with learning disabilities; and for refusing to apologize even after being fired, because he didn't think his team had "run up the score." ELIMINATED BY: DAN SNYDER (55.4%)

Joe Buck, for expanding his douchiness beyond sports broadcasting with his own show on HBO, in which he consistently failed to be funny but failed to be cancelled; and for saying in an interview that he was playing golf because it was the only thing he had left now that he couldn't compete in powerlifting or ice skating. ELIMINATED BY: BUD SELIG (52.2%)

Bud Selig, for whining about being blamed for turning a blind eye to baseball steroids era, even though that's obviously what he did; for continuing to fuck over Major League Baseball's best pitchers by holding the World Baseball Classic during spring training; and for ruining a tradition of voluntary celebration by mandating that all players wear No. 42 on Jackie Robinson Day. ELIMINATED BY: DAN SNYDER (62.5%)

Dan Snyder, for trying to make a scapegoat out of Redskins coach Jim Zorn by taking away his play-calling abilities and giving them to a former Bingo player; and for shitting on the First Ammendment by banning all signs from Fedex Field when Redskins fans wouldn't stop voicing their displeasure with their team's mismanagement. ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (54.5%)

DANE COOK DIVISION

Josh McDaniels, for initiating a quarterback controversy by trying to trade for Matt Cassell behind Jay Cutler's back and subsequently getting into a feud with Brandon Marshall; for trash-talking at the Chargers that "we own you" before getting demolished 32-3; and for dropping the f-bomb on NFL Network while screaming at his own offensive line. ELIMINATED BY: JAY CUTLER (68.8%)

Thierry Henry, for cheating in the World Cup qualifiers by hitting the ball with his hand to score the winning goal and knock out Ireland, and then offering fake solace to the same Irish players he'd just cheated to defeat; and for later offering lame excuses about how he's "not the ref" and otherwise refusing to apologize. ELIMINATED BY: MARTIN HANSSON (59.7%)

Joe Torre, for writing a tell-all book called The Yankee Years, in which he talked shit about his former manager and many of his former players, including writing that Alex Rodriguez was called "A-Fraud" behind his back and had an (obvious) obsession with Derek Jeter. ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (90.9%)

LeBron James, for walking off the court after the Caveliers were knocked out of the playoffs without shaking hands; for having Nike confiscate all of the video footage of a college student dunking on him over the summer; for equating Michael Jordan's basketball skills with Jackie Robinson's history-changing integration of baseball by trying to retire Jordan's number; and for showboating during a blowout over the Chicago Bulls. ELIMINATED BY: MICHAEL JORDAN (58.1%)

Martin Hansson, for failing to award a goal to Brazil when Kaka's headball crossed the goal line in the Confederations Cup; and for not only failing to give a penalty to Thierry Henry when France scored their winning goal off Henry's hand, but later trying to argue that failing to call a penalty "was not my fault." ELIMINATED BY: JAY CUTLER (62.5%)

Michael Jordan, for giving the douchiest Hall of Fame speech of all time, in which he talked shit about every single person who'd failed to believe in him sufficiently throughout his career; and for telling rapper Chamillionaire that he wouldn't "take no pictures with no niggas," and that he'd have to pay $15,000 for a photo op. ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (60.9%)

Jay Cutler, for crying like a baby when his coach Josh McDaniels looked into trading for a new quarterback, eventually requesting to be traded to a new team; for ruining his reputation as a franchise quarterback by leading the league in interceptions; and for flicking off Chicago fans when they booed the Bears for sending a game to overtime. ELIMINATED BY: ALEX RODRIGUEZ (67.8%)

RETURN HOME