It's been a long road to get to this point, but we made it. It's finally time to crown the ultimate douchebag of 2008. We hit some unexpected delays this round, so let's get right to the point. The winner of Who's Douche Sports Edition 2008, with 63.2% of the vote, is...

Of course, we still have one more piece of unfinished business: the Manvagini Award for Honorary Douchedom. We received hundreds of nominees over the course of our competition, including everyone from Donovan McNabb to Phil Rivers to Michael Phelps to Joe the Plumber (who doesn't really have much relevance to sports, but yes, is still a huge douche). After tallying the numbers, however, there was an obvious winner who many of you thought should take home this award, so as hard as it is to make this announcement, the winner of the Manvagini Award for Honore Douchedom 2008 is...

2008 ELIMINATED CANDIDATES VINCE PAPALE DIVISION Alex Rodriguez had a tough act to follow after making the Final 4 in last year's competition, but he still found a way to take his douchiness to a whole new level. After his ridiculously huge contract extension in 2007, his choke-tastic hitting ability took a noticeable hit in 2008, a fact which was made even more obvious by his refusal to participate in the first and last Home Run Derby ever to be held at Yankee Stadium. On top of his failings on the field, he lied about having an affair with the 50-year-old Madonna, which eventually led to him divorcing his wife and hanging out with Jerry Seinfeld. Like the old saying goes, you know a douche by the company he keeps. ELIMINATED BY: ROGER CLEMENS (78.7%) True, Chad Johnson legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco this year (because Chad Eight Five wasn't douchey enough in English), but he completely forgot that his advertising contract said he had to keep wearing his given name regardless of what other douchey names he liked better. Like fellow Who's Douche contestant Terrell Owens, Johnson showed that he's never happy unless he's whining about something, whether it was his lack of touches during the season or the fact that he wanted to be traded during the off-season, but he upped the ante with his pointless hypotheticals about playing on the same team as Owens. The good news is, if that ever happens, we'll definitively know that God hates us. ELIMINATED BY: TERRELL OWENS (68.8%) LeBron James has definitely become the new poster child for the NBA, but they'll probably be regretting it after this year. Besides being revealed as a terrible tipper, James repeatedly filled the airwaves with his incessant reminders about July 1, 2010, so the whole world would never forget when this douche becomes a free agent. Once he realized his obnoxiously-early speculations had killed his chances of ever having a good team in Cleveland, he came back and told them maybe he'd stay (even though we all know that's less likely than David Stern admitting the NBA is fixed). And did you hear about James starting his own Entourage sitcom? Maybe you should unplug your DVR now so there's no way you accidentally record it. ELIMINATED BY: KOBE BRYANT (68.9%) Before we get to Chris Berman, remember the last time ESPN had one of those pointless voting brackets to determine something completely arbitrary and meaningless (like, say, "Who's Now")? Remember how much those suck? Well, this summer Berman was back with an all new competition called "The Greatest Highlight," effectively disgracing a century's worth of other highlights for some lame-ass competition. He also butchered a pair of interviews with presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain on the night before the election, and his universally-despised character The Swami celebrated its 30th birthday (so that makes 30 years of douchiness that Berman has inflicted on the public). ELIMINATED BY: SEAN AVERY (58.7%) Terrell Owens may have had a tame year by his standards -- but remember, this is Terrell Owens we're talking about. His first major press conference of 2008 led to the instantly classic "That's my quarterback!" video, complete with douchey tears and even douchier aviators. It goes without saying that T.O. could never make it through a whole NFL season without whining about his touches (even when he led the team), but when that didn't increase his workload, he accused fellow Who's Douche 2008 candidate Tony Romo of conspiring to keep the football away from him. When it was time to defend such a ridiculous accusation, Owens showed up in a Santa hat and reindeer nose, although "clown nose" is probably a better description. ELIMINATED BY: ROGER CLEMENS (63.0%) Sean Avery plays for the NHL, so you obviously haven't heard of him (NHL stands for "National Hockey League," by the way). Okay, maybe you caught the soundbite about how other hockey players "fall in love with [his] sloppy seconds" when it was replayed on ESPN like 30 million times, but that's not enough to warrant a Who's Douche spot by itself. The real reason Avery cracks this list is because he interned at fashion magazine Vogue over the summer (no, you can't make this shit up), and when ESPN interviewed him about it, he said he likes a good purse and enjoys playing with dolls. When talking about your girlfriend's sloppy seconds is your least douchey news story of the year, that's never a good sign. ELIMINATED BY: KOBE BRYANT (55.6%) When we last left off in 2007, Kobe Bryant was in the middle of quitting on his team because they weren't up to his standards. The good news was that his public image improved slightly when the Lakers traded for Pau Gasol and Bryant actually started trying again, but then Kobe started bitching about other players popping their collars (because apparently he wanted credit for this ultimate display of sartorial douchiness), and got in trouble for the video of his infamous fake car jump. His season ended with Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling blogging a scathing review of Bryant's "leadership" techniques, but now Bryant's back and douching it up with F-U baskets at the end of easily-won games (presumably with his collar popped). ELIMINATED BY: ROGER CLEMENS (80.8%) SCOTT ALLEN DIVISION Brett Favre began 2008 in what could have been his last game at Lambeau Field when he fucked up his first pass in overtime and knocked the Packers out of the playoffs. Favre rightfully took that as a sign that it was time to retire, but then spent the next 6 months flip-flopping about whether or not he was going to come back, and shitting on the Packers when they said they'd had enough of his never-ending Prima Donna act. When he finally did return to the NFL, he started making sneaky mobile phone calls to other teams, including giving douchey advice to fellow Who's Douche 2008 candidate Tony Romo, and sharing the Packers playbook with Lions coach Matt Millen. It didn't help the Lions, but you can't blame a douche for trying. ELIMINATED BY: TONY ROMO (52.2%) Kevin Garnett has generally been regarded as a stand-up player in the NBA, but after the Boston Celtics won their first championship in 22 years, Garnett began to change for the douchier. Maybe his semi-obnoxious "Anything is possible!" scream was a sign of things to come (although there's a good chance he called the Cavaliers fans "fucking faggots" earlier in the playoffs), because as soon as the new season started, Garnett was a changed man: talking trash at every crappy team he plays, taunting other players instead of defending the ball, and even making his own teammates cry. It may not be enough to win a Who's Douche championship -- but then again, anything is possible. ELIMINATED BY: JOSH HOWARD (62.2%) Manny Ramirez spent 2008 in a whirlwind of douche, so let's just try to get through this as quickly as possible. In June, he took a swing at teammate Kevin Youkilis, and then attacked the Red Sox travelling secretary when the poor guy couldn't get him tickets to a game. In July, he started chatting on his cell phone during pitching changes, and was playing so poorly that he was even fined for striking out on purpose. Of course that led to Ramirez calling out Red Sox management over his contract, to the point where he was finally traded to the Dodgers -- where he miraculously started hitting .396 for the rest of the season. Manny being Manny? Try Manny being a douchebag. ELIMINATED BY: PLAXICO BURRESS (55.3%) You might recognize Who's Douche 2008 candidates Kobe Bryant and Alex Rodriguez from the Vince Papale Division, but what better reason for a double nomination than recreating a movie scene that was originally performed by quintessential douchebag Tom Cruise? The fact that Bryant insisted on wearing shorts while Tony Hawk wasn't allowed to (and Michael Phelps was fresh off the worst SNL hosting performance ever) only made this commercial even douchier. Guitar Hero World Tour eventually replaced the entire ensemble with Heidu Klum, but it's anyone's guess why they didn't just start with her in the first place. ELIMINATED BY: THE GILLETTE ATHLETES (56.5%) You may not remember the name "Josh Howard," but there's a good chance you heard about his 2008 exploits. For starters, he invited all of his teammates to a birthday party for himself when his coach explicitly said not to have any parties during the playoffs, and then he was arrested during the off-season for reckless endangerment during a drag race. Sure, neither of those headlines is particularly douchey, but that's because Howard was saving the best for last: during a charity football game, he was videotaped saying "The Star-Spangled Banner is going on. I don't celebrate this shit. I'm black" -- as if being black means you're obligated to disrespect the United States. In the end, people of all races can agree on one thing: Josh Howard is a douche. ELIMINATED BY: TONY ROMO (65.4%) Tiger Woods. Theirry Henry. Roger Federer. On their own, they might not be all that douchey (well, except for Federer -- did you see the cardigan he wore for the first day of Wimbledon?), but combine them in a Gillette commercial and you get what readers of UK magazine Campaign voted the worst advertisement of 2008. The commercial featured a team of superstars knocking Mach 3s out of the hands of innocently-shaving men -- and then, just when you thought this advertising campaign couldn't get any worse, Gillette went and added former Who's Douche candidate Derek Jeter (not pictured). It's a little like adding another blade to a razor, only douchier. ELIMINATED BY: PLAXICO BURRESS (80.8%) Tony Romo might be the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but if there's one thing we learned this year, leading the Cowboys is the last thing on his mind. First he spent his playoff bye-week vacationing in Mexico with Jessica Simpson, and then completely fell flat when it was time to do his job in the playoffs. Instead of learning his lesson and focusing on football, Romo spent the off-season trying to qualify for the U.S. Open (which he also failed to accomplish), and singing douchey renditions of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at a Chicago Cubs game. And then when it was time to get back to work, he sat out for a whole month because he hurt his pinky finger. The Onion article about "Tony Womo" really said it all. ELIMINATED BY: PLAXICO BURRESS (69.2%) When Plaxico Burress predicted the Giants would win the Super Bowl, most of America just laughed him off as another boasting douchebag. People weren't laughing, however, when he gave a 27-year-old woman neck injuries from rear-ending her car, or when his wife charged him with domestic violence. The Giants certainly weren't laughing when he faked an ankle injury to get out of training camp, or when he didn't inform them about the so-called "family emergency" that forced him to miss a team meeting. Luckily Burress finished 2008 with a bang when he shot himself at a night club (in sweatpants, no less), and everyone finally got to laugh at his douchiness once again. ELIMINATED BY: ROGER CLEMENS (73.7%) HOWARD COSSELL DIVISION Anyone who's watched baseball on ESPN knows that Jon Miller and Joe Morgan provide quality ammunition for Who's Douche on a nightly basis, but in the interest of time, let's focus on a single night in 2008 when Miller and Morgan 1) incorrectly stated that Babe Ruth began his career as an outfielder, 2) wrongly claimed that the Red Sox weren't adding more seats to Fenway, and 3) misidentified a statue as "John Adams, the 2nd President of the United States" when it was actually Sam Adams, patron saint of taste-conscious alcoholics everywhere. This last one is particularly unforgiveable. ELIMINATED BY: CHIP CARAY, RON DARLING, and BUCK MARTINEZ (60.0%) Apparently Jerry Jones still hasn't learned that it's not an effective technique for a football owner to come down to the sidelines and bitch at his coaches and players, because even in the last 2 minutes of the 2008 playoffs, he still felt the need to exert his douchiness over Wade Phillips. Despite being a billionaire, Jones repeatedly tried to fuck over Cowboys star Terry Glenn for a measly $500,000 by inserting an injury clause in his contract, and then cut Glenn from the team when he wouldn't agree to such a terrible screwjob. When running back Marion Barber couldn't play because of a dislocated toe, Jones called him out in front of the media for not being tough enough -- and almost certainly screamed at Barber's backup from the sidelines. ELIMINATED BY: HANK STEINBRENNER (57.4%) Rob Parker is another name you might not be familiar with, but anyone who makes Skip Bayless look good is probably deserving of a spot in this bracket. Parker was on ESPN's First Take in March when he said he had low expectations for Tyler Hansbrough and Kevin Love in the NBA because they were white. In October, he falsely reported that Michigan State quarterback Kirk Cousins was caught fighting with the hockey team(which was absolute bullshit), and he caused a huge controversy in December when he asked Rod Marinelli, the coach of the 0-16 Lions, whether he wished his daughter had married a better defensive coordinator. When even Terry Bradshaw is calling you an idiot, it's time to reevaluate your douche life. ELIMINATED BY: SCOTT BORAS (77.8%) Craig Sager might have flown under the Who's Douche radar were it not for the flamboyant sports jackets he continuously wore during all of his interviews across every major sport. Sure, he did that one interview where he talked about his blonde fetish and matching thongs, but really, it was (and always has been) all about the suits. Were it not for fellow Who's Douche candidates Caray and Co. in the broadcast booth, Sager would have single-handedly ruined the MLB playoffs on TBS. At least Joe Maddon took some time out from the game to let Sager know what a douche he looked like. ELIMINATED BY: FRANK CALIENDO (66.7%) When TBS introduced its terrible threesome of announcers for the 2008 MLB playoffs, everyone knew baseball had just gotten a whole lot douchier. First there was Chip Caray, who's bleating and hyperbole was only overshadowed by his unadulterated bias. Next you had Ron Darling, who consistently talked shit about players including fellow Who's Douche 2008 candidate Manny Ramirez (not that there's anything wrong with that). Top it all off with Buck Martinez's false reporting and insanely idiotic commentary, and maybe it's no wonder TBS replaced the first part of the ALCS Game 6 with the Steve Harvey Show. ELIMINATED BY: HANK STEINBRENNER (70.4%) Frank Caliendo's stock dropped significantly in 2008 when pretty much everyone who'd ever been unfortunate enough to check out his show collectively agreed that Frank TV is to funny as Eli Manning is to unstoppable. In fact, when asked why TBS was still inundating their baseball coverage with Frank TV commercials, Caliendo apologized and admitted that nobody watches his shitty show in the first place. Add on his regular appearances on Fox Sports Sunday where his only decent impersonation was of former Who's Douche candidate John Madden, and you start to wonder why you watch sports in the first place. ELIMINATED BY: SCOTT BORAS (61.5%) Hank Steinbrenner. The last name alone is almost synonymous with douchiness. After the Yankees canned Joe Torre and completely collapsed in 2008 (and missed the playoffs for the first time in 13 years), Steinbrenner started whining to the media about how the playoff system was unfair because Torre got to the playoffs and he didn't. He also showed what a terrible decision-maker he was by moving pitcher Joba Chamberlain from the bullpen to the starting rotation, back to the bullpen, and finally to the starting rotation again, completely fucking over his young star's ability to pitch, and when a Red Sox fan buried a David Ortiz jersey in New Yankee Stadium, Steinbrenner wasted $30,000 to dig it up. Apparently he likes fucking over New York's taxpayers, too. ELIMINATED BY: SCOTT BORAS (52.0%) Besides being a dick to reporters, Scott Boras fucked over multiple baseball clubs in 2008, including the Pirates (who gave Boras's client three million dollars before he changed his story and said they submitted the contract too late) and the Red Sox (who gave up pursuing Mark Texeira after Boras kept telling them their offers were being outbid by a "mystery club" he refused to name). It's gotten to the point where most of his clients are now being avoided because he's screwed over so many teams, and there was even a Bill Simmons article detailing how Boras manipulated the lovable savant and fellow Who's Douche candidate Manny Ramirez into the enormous douche he would eventually become. ELIMINATED BY: ROGER CLEMENS (63.2%) DANE COOK DIVISION It was bad enough that the House Oversight Committee decided to hold a Congressional hearing to determine whether fellow Who's Douche candidate Roger Clemens took steroids during his baseball career, and in doing so completely overstepped their bounds as to what Congress should be spending its time on. No, holding a hearing with no purpose wasn't bad enough -- they also had to turn it into a partisan circus, with every Republican siding with Clemens and every Democrat siding with his trainer Brian McNamee. After several days of listening to these douchebags yelling at each other, all we could do was agree with Rep. Dan Burton: "This is really disgusting." ELIMINATED BY: ARLEN SPECTER (54.3%) When Clayton Bennett's Oklahoma City-based corporation bought the Seattle Supersonics in 2006, he promised to do everything in his power to keep the team in the city where it had been for the past 40 years. After secretly exchanging e-mails with his partners about moving the team to Oklahoma as soon as possible, Bennett finally went back on his word announced in March that the Supersonics were leaving Seattle at the end of the season, and as a final "fuck you" to the city, Bennett agreed to let them keep the Supersonics name and colors -- because obviously that should make up for him completely douching Seattle over. ELIMINATED BY: MATT WALSH (57.7%) NBC had a lot of high expectations leading into the Olympics, and successfully managed to fail to meet pretty much all of them. The big story was that they never bothered to interview Mark Spitz until after Michael Phelps had already broken his gold medal record, but there were several other unsavory headlines you might have come across if you got your news from anywhere besides NBC. Their decision to not offer live coverage of the most popular Olympic events on the west coast pissed off a lot of swimming and gymnastics fans, and Bob Costas' decision to not talk about the first openly gay man to win a gold medal pissed off many members of the LGBT community. Also, Bob Costas was the host, and man, is he a douche. ELIMINATED BY: THE CHINESE (85.1%) Sure, the NFL's DirecTV contract is an old problem that began in 2004, but the fact that only DirecTV users can buy the option to watch non-local games on Sunday Ticket still fucked over millions of sports fans every week in 2008. The NFL's douchiness became most apparent when Roger Goodell and Co. showed up in Congress to whine about how Comcast and TimeWarner are the bad guys for trying to charge more for the NFL Network -- when obviously they're just trying to fight back against DirecTV's Sunday Ticket monopoly. Plus the NFL's overtime system still sucks. ELIMINATED BY: THE BCS (83.0%) Arlen Specter has a long history of wasting government time and taxpayer money, but he brought it to a whole new level in 2008. First he spent several weeks crying at the NFL for not investigating the Patriots "SpyGate" scandal up to Congressional standards, as if cheating in a sports game should be given the same consideration as things that actually matter. Of course, Specter didn't bother revealing that one of his biggest campaign contributors is Comcast, who happened to be in the middle of a legal battle with the NFL at the time, as well as when he went on to introduce a bill saying churches should be allowed to have Super Bowl parties. On that same day, the US military admitted it killed 9 Iraqi civillians by accident. And you thought his SpyGate priorities were misplaced. ELIMINATED BY: MATT WALSH (53.8%) The Chinese aren't always thought of as being particularly douchey, but that's the only word to describe the way they conducted themselves during the 2008 Olympics. Despite the massive protests about China's human rights abuses leading up to the games, the number of abuses actually increased, including the censorship of all websites that the government opposed. The whole world oohed and aahed at their jaw-dropping opening ceremony, until we found out the fireworks were fake and the girl who sang the national anthem was replaced because she was wasn't cute enough. The Chinese even let their douchiness pervade the actual games, lying about the ages of several of their gymnastics competitors and proving once and for all that nothing is as important to China as its image (as bad as it may be). ELIMINATED BY: THE BCS (59.2%) Matt Walsh was a former video assistant for the Patriots who had faded away into Schwab-like obscurity -- until he showed up at the end of their chance for a perfect season and said he had dirt on them from back when they'd built their 2001-2004 dynasty (and if you're curious about what he was doing in the interim, it turns out he was working as a douchey golf assistant and wearing douchey golf shirts). After much insinuating and foreshadowing, Walsh finally came out and revealed that he actually had nothing new to add to the SpyGate drama and that the whole thing was just a publicity stunt to fuck with the Patriots and get more douchey golf clients. ELIMINATED BY: THE BCS (79.2%) The BCS ranking system is another ancient example of sports douchiness -- any idiot can tell you that a backwards combination of coaches polls and averaged computer rankings always has the potential for chaos, but after seeing the 2008 BCS championship rankings fall apart in January and then again in December when the whole country realized that undefeated teams from weaker conferences like the Utah Utes are effectively blocked from the BCS championship, you'd think that the douches in charge would start to get the hint (and take down the "backhanded compliments" on their website). Maybe they'll fix things now that Barack Obama has started railing against their system -- but probably not. ELIMINATED BY: SCOTT BORAS (52.4%)
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